You know, I started this blog post with all this blah, blah, bah, humbug about yuchy stuff I realized can wait for another day! The hard stuff is important but today is not that day. I could not ask for a better way to end a year and start a new one especially on this journey, this old country road I feel I’m on, the one I’m traveling while trying to find all of the Crazy Girl!
Today I type through joyful tears as I am in awe at where things are 688 after my marriage ended. Yes, I did mention a “hard” thing, but now to the good stuff… Colton, my first granchild, was brought into our lives at a time no one expected. He was not part of anyone’s plan here on earth but who knows better than our Father the power of a baby boy. His little self has brought us so many things we needed all wrapped up in a bow called love. He’s led us to laughter and giggles again, hugs I’ve missed so much, I mean the really good ones that last. I see the crazy and wonderful children I raised, I knew they were there all along, but I’ve missed them. And recently, I heard, “I’m proud of you, Mama” and it quenched my soul like a flower desperate for water. Yes, we all still have more adjusting and healing to do as a family but I am excited about the future of our tribe more than ever.
In the middle of the difficult, beautiful, and always changing chaos, another unexpected happened, a crazy man who saved me from myself and started to bring alive again the Crazy Girl who was drifting away. He has become the best friend I never knew I was missing. He makes me laugh even when I’m crying, he tickles me until I want to punch him in the face (a disclaimer there in case you see him with a black eye), he encourages my crazy ideas while his own wheels are always turning, he listens to my endless chatter (or pretends to which is a hugely important quality for a man, right?!), he’s my voice of reason when I may not want to know the reason, and as silly as it sounds, he dances with me in the kitchen or in a parking lot…. those moments that make me smile. I don’t know where this wildly wonderful ride is taking us and I’m okay with not knowing…. not knowing keeps me in the present and that’s exactly where I want to be.
What a 2019… the gift of a baby boy, the gift of joy, the gift of laughter and light in my childrens’ eyes, the gift of His Grace yet again. Tree and presents? Who needed that?! Oh, and that Crazy Girl in the mirror, the one with tinsel in her hair? The gift of happy in her eyes, a new sparkle when she laughs, and maybe even those new laugh lines, those are pretty amazing too.
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