Don’t let them change you.

I am a doggone likeable person. I mean I AM realistic and know everyone doesn’t or can’t like me in the whole wide world, that’s not possible, but to my face at least, I don’t know of any enemies. I just kind of get along with everybody and I think I’m nice to everybody. But….

There’s this person. Just one person. I don’t know what it is. And I don’t have to worry about her reading this, which I kind of wish she would, but she doesn’t like my page or any posts I make. Ever. I feel like she doesn’t like the air I breathe some days.  I mean anyone who knows me is probably thinking… seriously?  LOL.  The funny thing is I love her, I speak about her in a positive way to others, I lift her up when we’re talking, I pray for her, all the things we do for friends and people we care about. But…

She hurts my feelings. I love her anyway.
She ignores me, or pretends to. I love her anyway.
She has said things behind my back. I love her anyway.
She doesn’t cheer for me ever. I love her anyway.
She doesn’t encourage me ever. I love her anyway.
She ignores me sometimes. I love her anyway.
She takes up space in my head. I let her, I love her anyway.
The more I grow and do well in anything or have joy, the more and worse it gets. I love her anyway.

I continue to love her.
I continue to wait for her.
I continue to cheer for her.
I continue to build her up to others.
I continue to tell her she’s wonderful.
I continue to give to her.
All while feeling nothing in return.
Why?

My family and close friends have seen it and they ask me the same question over and over.

I’ve begged God to close the door, He hasn’t. I’ve asked Him to heal her heart towards me, He hasn’t. I’ve said, “God, if you’re not going to close the door or heal her heart towards me (yet), then please heal my heart and keep the door wide open.” He’s working on one and clearly doing the other.

Why do I do this?   I am realizing the simple answer is it’s not about who she is. It’s about who I am.  And I am me, I just can’t help it.  And quite frankly, in this regard, I don’t want to change me.  I don’t want to not love someone and I don’t like closed doors.

As I sit this morning and pray about this situation, and obviously think about it way too much, God reminds me of this…

Child, you have hurt my feelings. I love you anyway.
Child, you’ve ignored me or pretended to. I love you anyway.
Child, you have said things I didn’t like. I love you anyway.
Child, you don’t cheer for me like I’d like you to all the time. I love you anyway.
Child, you don’t use me to encourage others all the time like you should. I love you anyway.
Child, I want to take up space in your heart, but you don’t always let me. I love you anyway. 

Child, I continue to love you.
I continue to wait for you.
I continue to cheer for you.
I
continue to build you up in others hearts and minds.
I tell you you’re wonderful (if you’d just listen.)
I continue to give to you daily.
All while some days I feel nothing in return.

Why?

The simple answer is it’s not about who you are (thank goodness). It’s about who I am. And I am Me, I just can’t help it. I made you, I love you, and I always will.  I want you to do the same for others, even when you feel they don’t deserve it, not because of who they are but because I made you that way.

I pray not to change who I am because of who someone else isn’t.  I pray to be me.  I pray you be you…. even when someone or some people don’t get you, love you, return it full-fold.  Don’t let them change you.

I’m still trying! And I’m still loving.  

Tracey

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