I know without a doubt there are many of you reading this who can relate but quite simply, I am a scattered wandering soul, mostly in my head. I think I’m intelligent, although I do stupid things all the time. I think I’m capable of doing almost anything. I love challenges. And for a person whose mood can be shifted to the grey side in a heartbeart, I do have self-confidence most days. But back to the wandering… see what I mean?!
My mind races 100 mph most of the time like a toddler after eating ice cream. I think three things ahead before I finish speaking about the topic I’m on. Some days I can’t turn it off and while it’s exhilirating at times, it’s also exhausiting. I’ve created 18 businesses in my brain and started a few but they just won’t stop coming. I have a best friend, Tammy, who used to laugh when she’d pick up the phone… “What big idea do we have now?”. I was always coming up with a business she and I could do together and she’d always encourage me, laugh with me, and just go along for the ride, and probably hang up, shake her head, and think that girl is crazy. But if I’d shown up at her house with nails and a hammer, she’d have said, “Let me get my coat.”
All that said, this blog… I can’t explain it. I’ve dreamed about it, I’ve laid awake thinking about it, and my brain has raced about it for years all while putting it on the back burner. I had to make a living and writing is hard to eat off of to be honest. Looking back, I remember vividly as a child, maybe 10 years old, sitting down with my Daddy and telling him I was going to write a book. He asked me what it would be about and at the time, I was planning to write about all the years I’d lived up to then, makes me laugh now. But Daddy didn’t question me. He described how he would help me put it in a cover and what it would look like, I could almost see it. I don’t remember a lot of things but I remember that day. And then, when Mom was sick with Alzheimers, I’d write for my own sanity about her journey. I started to share tidbits and so many read and laughed and cried with us, I felt there were people out there who got it for so many reasons or they just cared so much. It made me want to write more, to reach more hearts, to reach my own heart when I was falling apart.
I can excitedly say today (with fear in my eyes) that I do want to make this my living as I edge into the fourth quarter here on this planet (just hoping the clock has OT capabilities). My brain and heart want to explode. I have massive lists of ideas, adventures in the works, recipes, fun, even tears, just so much to sure. I want to touch a heart now and then, speak to someone who is where I was emotionally and physically, help someone any way I can, so much, I just want to make someone smile. I’m all over the place… all the time…. and as excited as I am, I feel like I’ve got my backpack packed up with knowledge, ideas, a camera, words and a pen and paper, ready to go, but I’m looking for my compass.
All that said, this man right here, most days he’s helping me find it. This morning we were walking and bless his heart, he just has to be so tired of me talking about this blog, my ideas, the classes I’m in, the podcast I’m listening to, and I can do this and I can do that…. but he never shows it. He says he loves my crazy brain and my bounciness most days while some days he has to tell me to stop rocking or bouncing my leg because it’s affecting his calm spirit. This morning in the midst of our walk, I mentioned how overwhelmed I was with work, money, writing, everything, and then in the next breath, I said there was a class I wanted to take. Well, folks, he basically stopped right there and kicked my butt. He told me what I needed to hear without holding punches. He almost literally took me by the shoulders and shook me, told me all the reasons my blog was an amazing idea, which he tells me all the time, but he added all the things I was doing to keep it from working (ouch). He ended by talking about something I’d written a week ago that I never followed up on and said ‘You basically failed at it last week and now it’s time to stop doing that.’ He was my Coach on the sidelines and while I was a little stunned by the hit I’d just taken, he had my heart yelling by the end of the walk, “Put me in Coach!”.
I am just writing this for him because for so long, quite frankly, I’ve not said much about him. The story of him is coming, it’s on paper, but I’ve been holding it in my heart just to keep it for me. He sits in the shade without a complaint when he really deserves all the sunshine. He believes in me. He encourages me. He lifts me up. He kicks my butt. He doesn’t take credit. He motivates me. He gives me amazing ideas that astonish me. He comes up with adventures we can take and then envisions how to help me share them. I walk in the kitchen and he’s taking pictures of recipes he’s making just so I can share them with you (he can doggone cook so you’re going to love them!). I mean really… I can’t even. I thought I was the dreamer but I think I found one more so than me and while he jokes it’s the Pisces in him, I think it’s just him and that big ol’ heart of his.
The bottom line, he is the one who reminded me who Crazy Girl was and is and who loves me as a human (despite my insanity and his fear of the L word)… it’s just so much more than about that. If you’re reading this, B, you know I appreciate you, but let me tell you again. I appreciate you.
Okay, Coach, back to work!
CG
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