Aren’t we all trying to find the best versions of ourselves? Well, maybe not everybody, like the disgruntled lady at church Sunday, but hey, even she might be trying when she gets home! I just wish we could reach a point where all this “oh, I’m good” bologna could stop and on the tough days, we could say, “You know, I’m having a rough day, I need to talk” without feeling guilty.
Over the years, I think I’ve seen glimpses of my best girl in the mirror but every time she peeked around the corner, I would get in her way, or I would allow life to, and she would vanish into thin air again. But now, I can’t seem to shake her!! And I kind of like her and getting to know her is a blast!
I’m not so naive as to think anyone can be happy 24/7, not even the happiest people can do that, but I do believe that every single day has just a teeny weeny, if not a giant, bit of happiness in it somewhere… even for the disgruntled lady at church. We have the power to make choices about what and how we think and the power not to let others take that away. One of my favorite quotes ever is, “If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” I used to tell my kids that all the time and the girl in the mirror has heard it quite a bit too… she and I have interesting conversations.
Anyway…
In reality, if we never had grief, we’d never know what true happiness is; if we never saw darkness, we wouldn’t appreciate the sunshine; if we never loved and lost, we’d never appreciate love quite as much. After Mama died, I read somewhere to be thankful to have been able to love someone so much that you miss them that much. And I am.
Life does throw us all curve balls, knuckle balls, and fast balls we never see coming, but we can all swing, pick up the bat and swing, again and again, (me, it takes quite a few) until we connect with the ball. And when we do, that’s the moment our choice and the happy connect, and it feels so good even if the ball didn’t it make it past first base! And because we experienced all the missed swings, it feels even better and we can jump up and down, “Girl, you kept swinging, and look what happened, yayyyyy!”
Start now
If you’re knee deep in laundry or surrounded by toys that won’t seem to put themselves away, start now. Thank God for clothes to put on those sweet babies, for the breath of that sweet child laying in your arms. Before long, trust me, they’ll be taller than you and hugs will still be really good but different and farther between and they surely won’t sit in your lap.
Maybe you’re even holding the hand of someone special as they are in their last days. You’re wondering how you’ll go on without them…. I’ve been there so I get it. Take your own deep breath. The happy, of course, won’t be in the moment they’re gone, I admit that, although if they’ve been suffering, there will be a relief in knowing their last breath brought healing. The day after Mama died, I tried to envision her running through a field of flowers headed towards her Savior’s lap which led me to the eulogy I wrote The Bouquet When you’re able to take that next deep breath and then the next, one day, the happy will come back as you remember them serving you dinner and calling you Shug, teaching you to fish or ride a bike, how to cook that chicken pie, how to love on others the best way you can even when it’s hard. Choose to see the happy in that they were teaching you how to live without them all along and you didn’t even know it… they probably didn’t know it either.
I just believe there is truly wildly amazing joy in today, every day, even if just for a moment. Go find that moment, those moments, you might be standing in them right now, look around! And I’d LOVE for you to share a happy moment with me today or how you get through the days the fast balls keep coming! No matter what, just know, you got this!
p.s. As I write this, I thought about and do acknowledge the reality that there may be someone who is reading this who feels they just don’t have the energy to even make the choice. Maybe you’re lonely, depressed, overwhelmed, you can’t figure out how to pay the light bill… I know those feelings are real, I’ve been there in every spot, days I couldn’t get out of bed. I just ask that you PLEASE reach out to someone, anyone, a friend, a co-worker, your local church who will love you even if they don’t know your name. You may feel ashamed, don’t. You may feel afraid, don’t. So many people are there who just won’t admit it. Admit it. Take off the “I’m okay” mask, reach out, and be you… that deep down inside amazing you and I’m praying that person meant to be there for you finds you today. Let them in.
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