This morning as I let my tall baby boy (almost 16) out in the car rider circle at school, I watched him walk up that sidewalk and it took all I had to not run after him for one more hug.  I cried and cried after I pulled off.   I cried as my heart ached with the love I have for him, for the fear I have of something ever happening to him in my lifetime.  I cried remembering seeing his face the first time to seeing his face light up when he realized he was taller than me.  And I cried…. for Dez’ Mom, for his Dad and siblings, his family and friends, but as a Mom, I cried for his Mom seeing that sweet face in all those moments too and aching for just one more.  My son is about to start driving…. how it could be any one of us.

For some reason none of us will never understand, a young man we knew lost his life, a life not yet lived, a life just blooming.  A senseless accident and no amount of rehashing or worrying about or wondering about will bring him back.  As I am sure most of us have done in our small and amazing community, I have wondered how a Mama and a Daddy wake up another day, how they put one foot in front of the other, how they get through another hour. I in no way proclaim to understand their pain, it is simply not possible not having ever lost a child.  I mean I know in my heart of heart that God’s grace does get us through but even as a child of God, I won’t deny that I’m afraid I would struggle in the darkness to find it.  I won’t ever stop knowing it’s there but how distant it seems when we don’t understand… when it simply doesn’t make sense.  I’ve never met Dez’ Mom or Dad but my heart literally aches for them and I pray they are able to feel God’s arms around them through the outpouring of prayers and love around them.  I pray for them to get through another hour, another day….

There was a young man who also survived the accident, the second such accident he’s survived in less than 18 months.  It’s easy to think he must have a reason for being here and I believe that he does… but it’s hard to imagine the pain he must feel having been laughing and being a teenager with friends whose smiles were there in a moment and gone in another.  My heart aches for him too.  My heart aches for his parents who never want another call like that, who must want to keep him at home for a long time to come, who are afraid every time he goes down the driveway.  My heart and prayers are with them as well and with this young man, and I pray for God’s healing hands on his heart.

And I am humbled and amazed, although I shouldn’t be, by the notes and comments and emails that have come from other high schools, competitors, those who have never met these boys, but who have said their schools and teams are praying for the families, for the EA family as a whole.  Now there’s God’s grace….