I don’t know about you but over the last few decades, I’ve ridden some highs and lows in my relationship with God.  I picture a giant roller coaster full of loops and tunnels and really sharp curves, extremely high hills and drops, the kinds that make you gasp, panic, burst into laughter (or tears!), that make your heart beat faster, maybe throw up!  We, the child, are jumping on the ride, much the same as life, fearful, excited, panicked, heart racing, adrenaline flowing, but you know, we’ve got this ticket already bought so we just have to do it.  We jump on, buckle in, and hang on for dear life…. sounds like some mornings going to work!  Anyway, as we do, He stands at the bottom much like our parents might, watching, shaking His head, laughing a time or two at our laughter or screams, anxiously waiting for us to come back into the station, back to Him.  As we exit the ride, until it’s time to start again, He hugs us, tussles our hair, and chuckles at our glee, excitement, perhaps at our upturned tummies.  He knew what was coming, He was just waiting for us to experience it ourselves.  Yeah, we experience it all right, every day.  Some days the lows are so hard and some days the highs are magnificent and most days, good or bad, we forget He’s standing there waiting on us at all.

I grew up in a sweet country church.  It means so much to me it makes me tear up when I think about it.  I don’t go there as much as I should these days but it doesn’t lessen it’s meaning to me.  The people are some who watched me grow up and the walls contain so much of my heart, my grandparents and parents, my friends and cousins, sitting on the back pews trying not to giggle during church.  My Papa handing out Juicy Fruit every Sunday to every kid, large or small, who wanted a piece.  My Mama… her funeral, knowing she is buried beside that sweet church. It’s so much of my life encapsulated there.  And yes, even my marriage…. I try to think about all the good parts, my Mama helping me get ready downstairs, the excitement and anticipation, Daddy starting to cry as we started down the aisle.  I’ll cling to those.  They are part of my life that brought me many joys over the years as long as it was able.

As I became a teenager, I drifted away from that place.  I used to say it was just because I got to the age my parents couldn’t “make” me go but whatever the reason or reasons, I drifted.  As I entered my late teens, after having started that drift, I met a man named Garry Baldwin through the Fellowship of Christian Athletes at our high school (I was a cheerleader, okay?  That qualified.  Anyway…).  Garry started a little bible study at our school in the evenings and I decided to go. He taught me the Word in a way that I’d never experienced.  I was mesmerized.  When Pastor Baldwin told us about an event coming up called Weekend of Champions, I was all in.  It was an event that brought in speakers-athletes from around the nation who talked about finding Christ and how He changed their lives.  I was smitten for lack of a better word.  It’s funny how poor my memory can be about a lot of things but about that night, I remember the auditorium at Cummings High School, the feel of the old creaky chairs, the stage, the people who spoke, the walking down front, the teens and adults behind the stage waiting to talk to those who wanted to know more… were they angels?  I didn’t know but I wanted to be one.  On April 14, 1981, I invited Christ into my heart.

Well, I’m not sure if anyone else can relate, but man, I was high on Christ’s love for me and my love for Him.  I thought we were sort of supposed to have a glow about us, that “just saved” glow. I bought me a fancy new bible, I read and read His word, I hung out with people to help me, went to bible studies, and no matter what came after that, I am glad I did.  It contributed to the foundation I’d formed in that little country church and goodness, it gave me more to hang on to as those mountainous hills came into view time and time again over the years.  I slipped, big shocker, and then slipped again, but every time, He was standing there patiently waiting on me to look over my shoulder like a toddler making sure her Daddy is still behind her to catch her, making sure he was at the bottom waiting on my ride to pull into that station.  I became familiar through that time with the definition of grace.  I don’t know that I understood it fully then but now I know that He wrapped me in it day after day, time after time, when I didn’t feel I deserved it.  He wraps me in it today, day after day, time after time, when I don’t feel I deserve it.

Why am I writing all this?  I don’t know.  I’ve been in prayer that I would stop trying to do this myself, that He would guide my words, guide my heart, use me to share what He wants me to share, not all the crazy stuff bouncing around in my head that I want to share (unless it means something to Him!), that he would use me to touch somebody’s heart, somehow, some way.  This is what He has put on my heart today and deep down inside, I feel that more is coming, I hear Him say more is coming… I hear Him saying hold on for dear life girl.  And the moments I think I’m waiting on Him, I look back over my shoulder, I look down from the top right before the drop, and there He is, waiting on me.

Thanks for listening as always.  Love from this Crazy Girl!

p.s.   Speaking of that little country church, I’ve got to tell you about my neighbors in the graveyard… but that’s another day.  Squirrel!