I don’t know about you but I end many of my days feeling as if I’ve run all day long. I don’t mean run as in errands or out and about, although there are those days, but just running emotionally and mentally. It’s as if my soul feels it needs to do and do and do… and do some more… that it can’t just sit still. When I try to sit still or have days that I actually can, I almost can’t… I struggle with guilt that I should be doing something. It’s kind of like B – if it’s pretty outside, he cannot sit still and just read or take a nap, his conscious won’t let him do it, he has to be outside finding something to do.
As I think about the words I just typed, I think too, “But aren’t you doing it to yourself?” And the answer is yes, of course. The guilt of doing that to myself is a layer; the guilt of not being busy is another. And then there’s this fear – oddly – a fear that if I’m still and quiet, I won’t like what I see or who I am. I know that’s crazy sounding, but it’s true. So – I – just – keep – going.
I don’t know the answers to any of that; if you do, will you tell me? I just know that as I wrote this, I envisioned God grabbing me as I ran right past Him, and saying, “Whoa, child, stop. What are you doing? Just breathe… stop… sit down… rest with me. It’s okay to just be.”
I want more of just being, do you?
She ran and she ran
chasing hours in the day,
rarely slowing down to hear
what her heart might have to say.
It was as if she was afraid
if she slowed and got too still,
her shadows would catch up with her
and with reality she’d have to deal.
And one day as she ran,
God reached for her arm as she went by,
He pulled her close until she slowed down,
until her heart began to cry.
Her head was hanging low
until He lifted it to see her face,
she slowly raised her eyes
to look into the face of Grace.
God said, “Child, why do you run
from this life that I’ve given you?
It was a gift I created with you in mind
and I’m with you in ALL that you do.”
She looked at Him through tears and said,
“But God, I am afraid.
What if I slow and don’t do enough
in this life for me You made.”
God smiled as He wiped away her tears,
and said, “Child, I don’t need you to go and do,
I just need you to love and be still now and then,
to be simply beautifully you.
I don’t require more than that, I promise,
and the peace I want for you, it’s free,
I leave it for you in the quiet moments,
you just have to slow down and be.”
The girl breathed a deep breath as she let go,
the beat of her heart slowing down from the race,
she looked in His eyes, her smile starting to return,
as she looked in His face of grace.