Two weeks ago, my little hometown had its first snowstorm of the season, snowstorm being the operative word here.  It was a whopping 2 inches … maybe in the high spots.  As is typical for we southeners, we all fellowshiped at the local grocery store buying up the milk and bread, neither of which I ever buy otherwise, but it’s a tradition.  And hey, we’d not seen snow in over 400 days, the kids hadn’t had a snow day this year, and we were just excited, okay?

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As the snow fell in the late afternoon and the sun started to go down, it was so peaceful and beautiful.  I went out on my front porch and took this picture looking out across the fields.  I’d been like a little kid waiting for snow, praying for it (sorry, God, I know you have more important things to do!).  I just wanted one big blizzard that would keep us necessarily inside for a few days.  We don’t get that often here and I wanted to get snowed in with my sweetie although I’m not sure he was praying for the same thing!  I also wanted to see all my friends babies on Facebook playing outside.  But I was feeling none of it.  I was starting to feel blue and sat in the quiet hoping to find the magic but it wasn’t there.  I finally gave up and went in to get warm.

The next morning I woke up about 4:30, which is late for me, and I was immediately struck by the quiet again.  I don’t get why some days I treasure it and some days it suffocates me.  But I curled up on the couch with my coffee and blanket forgetting it had even snowed at all.  I soon felt those familiar tears and the questions that always follow… why, why, why do I do this?  When does this part of the journey end or does it?   Finally, I picked up my phone, the new age and non-worthy comforter, and went to Facebook I guess hoping the scrolling would distract me.  Instead, the first post that appeared was my own, the picture I’d taken the night before.  It looked bleak, much the way I was feeling yet again.  It was then I asked God to please show me how to stop doing this, how to stop having these moments…  and through the noise in my head, I heard, “When was the last time you came to me on your knees child?”  I was motionless.  I do pray constantly to the point He probably wants me to get in the back of the line and give someone else a turn, but on my knees?  It’d been a long while.  I made a choice to listen and I got on the floor just as the floodgates opened.  I prayed out tears of fearfulness as I fear a lot these days. I prayed asking how I was going to survive.  I prayed for my kids.  I prayed for forgiveness for seeming ungrateful.  I prayed asking what He had in store for me.  I prayed asking Him to use me somehow some way…  the list goes on. 

I prayed it all in a scattered jibber jabber that only He can understand. 

As I finished praying, the room was still quiet but peacefully so.  The sun was coming up and  I walked to my front door.  Through the glass, I saw it.  The most beautiful pink glow as the sun began peeking around the corner of the house.  I walked out on the porch and took this picture in the very same spot I took the one the night before.  I stood soaking it in.  And then I heard Him whisper, “See what a difference a day makes?  See what a difference I make?  Hope really does come in the morning… just don’t give up.” 

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It was at that moment, I was reminded that He’d been right there with me the night before just as He was right there in that moment.  My hope really did come that morning and I know yours will too… just don’t give up.  He’s right where you are at this very moment, I believe that, He’s just waiting for us to reach out.  

Love,

Tracey
Just a Crazy Girl

p.s.  The picture at the top was taken that same morning from my bay window where I can see the sun rise every morning.  A very special place for me.