I read an article a few weeks ago called, “There’s no trophy, Ashley.” It was powerful to me! It was based on being a new Mom but the moral applies to all aspects of life! I base this post on Ashley’s article, these are my own words, but I give absolute full credit to the original author for the inspiration.
In Ashley’s story, she was so exhausted in labor, she felt pressured to have a natural delivery with no meds and her husband said, “There’s no trophy, Ashley.” She went through the same thing trying to breast feed, she felt she had to be the best breast-feeding Mom and would find herself crying because it wasn’t working and she needed to use formula. Again, he repeated those words, “There’s no trophy, Ashley.” As I read more and more of her story, I thought wow, how many times do I beat myself up for failing or for not doing what I’m “supposed” to do versus what I want to do, when really… there is no trophy for not failing, there is no trophy for doing the popular thing.
I see some of you looking at your neighbors on Facebook and thinking how perfect their life looks, how their little homeschool classrooms magically appeared, how they’re buying a new boat or losing weight like you lose your keys. As humans today, not just Moms, we often feel we are striving or competing for some ‘trophy’ that doesn’t exist. We compare ourselves to others and feel “less than” for choosing the epidural (I say Praise Jesus for epidurals!), for using formula (with my firstborn, my doctor belittled me horribly for not wanting to breastfeed), for having an untidy house, leaving toys in the floor, for not being able to buy that boat. We feel we’re going to miss out on the gold star on our achievement charts or let down some faceless committee who’s voting on the winners.
As I get older, I learn that all those trophies are created in our own minds. Some are put there by society, friends, neighbors, family. I’m learning that yes, these things can bring personal satisfaction IF we want to do them and IF we are able to, BUTTTTTTT I’m also learning that if we can’t do them or don’t want to do them…………..
There’s no trophy for delivering naturally.
There’s no trophy for breastfeeding.
There’s no trophy for losing weight.
There’s no trophy for having a big giant (often expensive) birthday party every single year (smack my forehead).
There’s no trophy for how many activities your kids are doing or playing on the most expensive travel team.
There’s no trophy for buying the boat.
There’s no trophy for SO MANY THINGS.
[This list could go on forever.]
To end this little rant, I will say I was never one to agree with all the kids getting trophies for participation. That’s just my opinion. In life, there are no trophies for participation… if we’re breathing, we have to participate. To me, the victory of choosing what we want to do versus what others think we should do, the victory of letting go when we can’t and accepting that it’s okay, those are so much sweeter and shinier and precious than any piece of metal anyway.
Leave a Reply